Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
