I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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