Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
