Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
