So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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