im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
