She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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