My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found puke in my bra..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
