I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is the high leading the old right now
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
