her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
