i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
