i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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