Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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