Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
