Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
