we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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