my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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