Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
