Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
