I want to make a zoo with you.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
