I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
