I faked an abortion last night.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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