quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
