He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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