It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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