does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
