Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
