I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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