I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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