wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
