Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
