So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is