Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"