I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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