Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
