Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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