You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
