There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
