So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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