So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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