90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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