32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
