guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
