apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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