Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
