i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
