I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
