Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize