dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
