I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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