I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
