planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
