Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
