even my farts smell like vagina
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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