she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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