He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
