Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize