you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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