its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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