my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
