this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
