Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
