You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
