i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
