Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
